If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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