i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
