I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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