well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
