I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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