i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
