Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
