I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize