He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
