I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
