how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
