I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize