I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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