I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
