I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We're too hungover to prance.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
