I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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