It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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