I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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