like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
