The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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