Your face is a jimmy john
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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