Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
