I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
