Having a random hookup so left but love u
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
