i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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