Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
