You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm too high and old for this...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
