put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
