I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
