I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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