Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
