your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
