would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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