My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
