I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
