I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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