you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
