So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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