all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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