Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize