i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
