Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
4 words: hood of his car
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize