Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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