you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize