i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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