when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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