how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize