Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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