i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize