Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
