I bet he comes in French.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
