after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
