He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
