Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You're like the curious george of whores
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
