Clothes are such an inconvenience.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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