I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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