STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
