Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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