Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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